It struck me this morning that I've been almost everything when it comes to living life, and usually when I was "being" I did it fully. I will explain more below. What I realized though is until you're fully something you don't understand what it means to your life. I believe it's VERY healthy to experience every part of yourself, see what you like and don't like, then work on the blend. The blend will shift depending on what you're life is doing, but there is no harm in BEING FULLY at times. Let me give examples, then wrap it up.
I have spent a TON of time feeling like I'm "smart." Feeling like I know everything there is to know about something. The upside to this you get the confidence of knowing more, and feeling like you have an advantage. People tend to back down if it's obvious you know more. Downside to this? People back down and don't give you new ways of looking at things. You almost shut down knowing more, because you know it all.
Oh man have I been dumb! I have arrived to so many conversations and situations where I feel totally worthless. Upside? You get to soak up everything and everyone will tell you everything they know. Why not right? They get to be smart, and you're dumb. The downside to being dumb is you don't know what's right and what's wrong with new things so you could be fooled and make mistakes. The other downside is they may underestimate you if they just met you. I actually feel like this is an upside because you can soak up all they've got, keep quiet, then come back with an advantage. When you're "dumb" and someone else is teaching you, you get to find out a lot about the other person. Are they arrogant? Are they a good teacher? Do they care about staying humble and on your level? Many upsides. It's a very ninja place to be.
I have fully experienced addiction. Pornography, cigarettes, Xanax, Busy-ness, etc. I've realized that addiction is real, its overpowering, it's dangerous, and MOST of all it deserves compassion. Whenever I encounter someone that is in the throws of addiction I have nothing but compassion. It is breaking them, it is changing them, they don't prefer this way of being but they are ADDICTED. Cut them some slack. The downside is the addiction and danger. The upside is you will connect more with everyone who's an addict, or has been an addict. You will be a kinder person.
Have you ever had your whole life "together"? That feeling like "I've mastered my life" I'm healthy, balanced, and not addicted to things? Great place to be right? You feel smarter, better, and more successful in life. I've found this over-positive outlook will usually get bitch slapped in the face with life. Life has a tendency of humbling you right when you think you've got it down. Be careful when you feel too great about yourself because everything is in order. I believe we should feel lucky and thankful more than smart and successful in these times of being non-addictive.
Having a life you don't need to escape from is worth being thankful for.
What could be wrong with being totally physically healthy!? Not much. You feel great, you look great, and life is usually better when you're healthy. Just remember to keep from judging people. You may see someone who is a fat slob and begin to judge. What I remind myself is they may be going through pain and coping, through addiction and soothing, or they might have zero understanding of the value of health. Be healthy and thankful. Judge less, help more.
Sometimes when I've a few donuts through a dozen, or eating fast food to sooth, or I haven't worked out in weeks I feel awful. I've done this A LOT. This is the time to realize you're human, understand the condition, and use it as fuel to become healthy. Learn compassion for people who can't take care of their body. You're no better than the other guy. One short small upside is it feels good to do nothing and eat everything, but it always takes a toll in the long run.
I famously a "nice guy" and at times co-dependent. I have been nice to the fault of hating myself because I wasn't being true to myself. I've also been just average nice. Nice to people, nice to be around, nice in general. It's a good place to be. Same as the other upsides, be careful not to judge. If you witness somebody who is mean and ugly to be around I remind myself not to judge them as you have no idea why they are how they are, but to feel lucky and thankful that life has provided you the means to be in a nice place as a nice person. At some time, I promise, you won't be nice.
Ever woken up on the wrong side of the bed? Pissed off at everyone? Mad at everyone, sensitive to every FUCKING PRICK you run into in an entire day? lol Just mean and mad? Soak it up, this is what some people's lives might be like all the time. I've found that when I'm mean I'm usually "in a bad way" with some other part of my life than the current moment. I'm usually unhealthy physically at the moment. I may be broke, late, or violated. Just experience it and take notes. This state can hopefully bring compassion for mean people. Let them bounce off and be mean to someone else, but don't judge. You're no better.
Yep I've had some money, more than enough at times. I've felt "special" and "smart" and "successful", when the reality is I should feel lucky. So I'm not talking about rich in the negative sense, just the literal place of having plenty of money. The upside is you have freedom, fun, opportunities, etc. It's a good place to be to have plenty of money. Downside is once you have more than plenty "stuff" becomes much less fun. You have to buy bigger things to get the same feeling. I personally don't get any happier. After about 100k it no longer correlates to happiness. The fact is everyone should get "rich" so they can see it won't make them happy. Real happiness comes from designing a life you love.
What a humbling place to be. I can remember being sick about 8 years ago and I didn't have a dime to buy some medicine. I sat in the parking lot at Walgreens feeling sorry for myself. I could have called a friend or family yes, but I'm talking about how humbling being broke is. Life seemed to beat you, and it feels sad. There's some serious upsides to being broke if you choose them. It can make you hungry and desperate in a good way. You will take steps you never have, work harder than you ever have, and be smarter than you ever have. All stemming from hating this feeling of being broke. Most every rich succesful person can recall their starting point moment in life when they were totally and completely "broke." and they went all in and didn't look back. If you're broke, it may be your start, but you must believe you can make it.
I seek happiness like I seek comfort. It's nice but it doesn't get me where I want to go.
To explain more, happiness is great but it's only great because you know sadness. Without the contrast I promise you happiness won't feel so good. Being sad is equally part of life and I don't want to miss out on the full range of emotions. Food is better when you're starving, water is better when you're thirsty, and weekends are better when you hate your job.lol Seeking endless happiness is pointless. I've quit saying I want to be happy, know I say I want to thrive. On the comfort part, comfort is GREAT! Feels great, relaxing, safe. Totally enjoyable, BUT when's the last time comfort got you to do or change anything? I want comfort in my life, but not endless comfort. I like keeping a steady stream of discomfort in whatever part of my life I'm trying to change.
Being uncomfortable is CRUCIAL to success. Sad but true. Success is a choice to experience a lot of discomfort.
I think I covered it above. Soak up sadness and it will make happiness sweeter. Don't try and avoid or skip this feeling. Let it consume you and pass. Like all things in life:
This too, shall pass.
This is a picture at the dentist office where they had chopped off two of my front teeth for crowns. I had also stuck a needle in my face the night before in an attempt to pop a zit. I was in a VERY ugly place, so I took a picture. It's just physical looks. There is a whole other side to ugly which is inside, and that is worth staying away from. Also, I use this picture to remind myself that worrying about how I look is the first step in "giving a fuck" , which is something I don't want to do anymore. If I'm truly comfortable with myself, and realize who I am, then no picture, video, podcast, etc. should be able to shake that or make me insecure. Someone's opinion of me should be my last concern. This is me working on this part of myself. Hope you enjoy! (god I hate posting this picture.lol)
I feel half-way attractive at times, it's just luck in the genetic lotto. More important that physically being attractive is being internally attractive. How attractive are you as a person? This is what matters. I've meet people that are WAY more attractive once you get to know them, and vice-versa, the people who are attractive duds. Focus on being an attractive person inside, and the physical will be fine. Also, BE SO CAREFUL with caring too much about your looks. I've felt the feeling of being incredibly uncomfortable with certain pictures or videos of myself, it's a slippery slope into insecurity and never feeling "attractive enough".
Becoming a Blend
In an effort not to lose the point of this blog, let me wrap it up. If you are going deep into ways of being in life, soak it up. There is no harm in "being fully". Learn everything possibly can about that state of being. NEVER focus on only the upside or only the downside. Realize that with every state or focus in life there are positives and negatives. Become wise in your experience.
The next step once you have understanding of the different states is to begin to blend them based on what you've learned. Be happy more of the time, be deeply sad at times. Enjoy having money but regulate buying everything and taking the joy of anticipation out. Enjoy the leisure of comfort, and look forward to the growth of discomfort. If someone is mean to you, cut them slack for their hard day. If you feel dumb, soak it up and get smart. If you feel smart, realize you could be missing out on new information.