Realized on a long flight that I haven't been authentic for maybe my whole life. By authentic I mean truly being myself no matter who I'm with. I have a handful of people that I can be totally authentic with but it's not many. I've realized that my most authentic self is when I'm doing the podcast. It's not pretty, it's not polite, and I really enjoy it. The good the bad and the ugly. It's really helped me practice being authentic which is playing out into all of my relationships. But for the purpose of this blog I'd like to apologize to you:
To the random family members. Sorry for adapting myself to match you. Sorry for pretending to agree with your choices. Sorry for finding the beliefs that match yours and telling you only them.
To the business people I've worked with. Sorry for wearing typical business clothes to fit in. Sorry for working to appear knowledgeable. Sorry for agreeing with you even though I didn't inside.
To my friends. Sorry, I've changed. We're not the same anymore. I still care about you and want to spend time with you, but I'm sorry for acting like it's just like old times.
To the random people on social media. Sorry for only posting the "highlight reel." Sorry for looking so happy when the reality is I've got as many struggles as anybody. Sorry for sharing my accomplishments, and very few of my failures.
To myself. Sorry for believing you're not ok just as you are. Sorry for making you mentally perform all the parts I think you needed to play. Sorry for being so hard on you. I like you how you are.
It would be unwise to not acknowledge that life requires tact, adaptability, and the ability to be dynamic to your situation. But mine was more than that. It was a belief that I was not ok how I was. It was a belief that my real self would be rejected. It's the idea that people wouldn't love me just the way I am.
Sorry man. Sincerely,